older than he should be

My son turned six today.  Okay, he actually turns six at 1:51 pm.  But for all intents and purposes Nick is six.  At about the time I'm writing this, on the day he was born, Katy and I had arrived at Cottage Hospital and she was being hooked up to monitors.  We were both expecting to be sent home shortly as he wasn't due for another three weeks.  Like the rest of his life, he exceeded those expectations and was born before he medically should have been.

Some parents say their kid acts/looks/seems older than they actually are.  That may or may not be true, but for Nick, it is one hundred percent accurate. I know you're dying to know why, so let me relieve your anxiety.

Let's start with his stature.  While born on the smaller side, it took less than a year for him to break into the 90th percentile, and upon reaching that status, has yet to leave it.  He's definitely a "big" kid and while there are many, many boys and girls who are skinnier than he is, we're not concerned. For one, he never stops playing hard and as a result never stops sweating so again, we're not concerned. He and I were picking up dinner for Katy on her birthday back in May and the cashier said hi to him. He replied back with hi. She asked his name. He said Nick. She asked him how old he was. He replied, "I'm five...I weigh 62 pounds." As the girl was placing her eyeballs back in their sockets she stammered, "But I'm only 85 pounds and I'm 19!" Granted, she was maybe, MAYBE, four foot eleven. Still. That's my boy. Blowing people away.

The same is true of his height, reading ability, intelligence, strength, hand-to-eye coordination, and many other traits.  All are beyond what we thought it should be for his age. He's one of the most polite boys we know, a sensitive soul, and in love with anyone who will play board games with him.

There is a flip side to this huggable cuddly boy.  He is a sinner. He can lie, disobey, stall, disrespect, and sneak with the best of them.  He exceeded our expectations of these as well in that for each sin that manifested itself, we thought he was way too young to display those tendencies.  But in this matter, he is exactly like all of us.  Way ahead in our ability to sin than we should be.  Exploring and testing the boundaries of our Father's patience and tolerance daily on an exponential level.  Are we surprised by his ability to violate God's law?  Absolutely!  But not because he's able to do it, just that it points to our own sin so vividly in both dealing with it and displaying the traits he inherited from both of us. Again, breaking all of our expectations about himself and inadvertently showing us our own in the process.

The most important and heart-wrenching way in which he's older than we feel he should be, has been emotionally.  In the few short years he's had on this earth, he's seen his dog Lucy bolt between his legs as he accidentally left the front door open, only to be in the car when his mom discovered Lucy's broken and twitching body up the street.  He has and is enduring his new dog Hobbes scratch, destroy, and tackle him.

He was placed in Kindergarten early out of necessity for the multiple births to come, conquered the accelerated program presented before him, only to be switched to a different school for the following term.  His mother was put on bed rest and unable to help him with tasks he was so used to having help with.  This boy, has lost three brothers.  Two to a broken social system that caused him to believe it was his fault they were taken away.  The other died a premature death in a hospital room five feet away from him.  He was essentially an only child for five years with all the attention he could desire being paid to him by both his parents until both of them diverted their focus to two very needy infants.  He's watched his parents cry night after night in the weeks that followed his brother's death, been to his own brother's memorial service, had to endure two sleep-deprived adults who have all too often neglected him or at the very least paid him a minute amount of attention compared to the previous five years.  His trips to Disneyland went from almost monthly to virtually non-existent, as did park excursions, bike rides, and any other outside-the-house-fun-activity imaginable.  All the while, all around him his friends have been gaining sibling after sibling, close enough in age to have an at-home friend and playmate.  All in all, it has been a trying life so far for this little guy, and I'm sure in his little heart these are just the tip of the iceberg.

There have been times when the bewilderment on this boy's face has been emotionally overwhelming for Katy and I.  And yet, at the same time, extremely frustrating as he's been trying to figure out how to cope with his own emotions by acting out or seeking our attention in ways we wish he wouldn't.

Realistically, I realize and understand that there are kids the world over that have been through infinitely worse than Nick has.  But how much this kid can handle leaves us in awe.  Through everything, he doesn't appear to hold any resentment toward us and, more importantly, absolutely zero toward his baby brothers.  I would suggest there isn't a kid in the world who loves his siblings more than he does.  He lets them pull, drool, slap, interfere, delay, and demolish his life.  Yet every morning he sees them, every day after school, every time he has been outside for more than ten minutes and was able to forget about how they changed his life, the next moment they come into his peripheral, he has a grin from ear-to-ear and calls them by whatever nickname he's trying out for them at the time while gently grabbing their hands.  If given the choice, he will put off almost anything for the opportunity to make them laugh or help us out with them.  He is a GREAT big brother for "his babies" whom he has waited five years for.

I'm well aware of the possibility that all of this is temporal.  But for the time being, I needed to document not to the world, but to our family, what we are witnessing in this little boy: a five-year-old who is years beyond his age in experience, emotion, and, with his brotherly interactions, maturity.

I could write all night about this kid, but after awhile I'm sure it becomes redundant and overly wordy if it isn't already. At the end of the day, what I've learned is my son's age can't be measured in earthly restrictions like years and days.  My son's age is measured in the love he has in his heart for his parents, brothers, family, and Christ, and if that's the case, he is already an old soul.

remember

My cousin Amanda called me the other night out of the blue, as she had passed by her fridge and saw our birth announcement on it.  She told me she was thinking of us as she is giving birth to her second son tomorrow.  It reminded us there are many of you still regularly thinking of us and our trial which was now over nine months ago.  It also caused us to reflect, once again for the ten billionth time, on how much we miss our son.  Amanda chided me for not having any recent pictures of the boys and I admit, I am without excuse.  I'm sorry we don't post more, or any, depending on your viewpoint.  We're lucky to get our phones out quick enough to even grab a quick pic of something cute they're doing or some new milestone.  I'd like to say I'll be better about it, but that would be an empty promise.  We post when we can which is obviously few and far between.  The night Amanda called, we were playing on the floor of their bedroom with them and listening to my iPhone on shuffle when a song by Chris Rice came on entitled "Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)."  That night it held a deeper meaning and after a few days and many tears, I was able to put a photo montage together of the life and death of Joshua.  I feel like I shouldn't have to say it after so many other posts where the disclaimer was necessary, but I will anyway. Don't watch this video if you're concerned over people seeing you cry or if you're in an emotionally fragile state, as it will most likely evoke feelings you don't want to come out. With that being said, please enjoy a glimpse into our youngest son's life we aren't always able to properly describe, but feel this video does a small bit of justice.

homecoming

I was browsing for some examples today of multiple birth announcements and came across this blog called Perfectly Peyton.  It's this woman, Stacey Skrysak, a tv news anchor in Illinois, who gave birth to triplets at 22 weeks 6 days. Shortly after giving birth, one of her triplets, Abigail, passed away. A month and a half later, her son Parker, also one of the triplets, passed away too. After 116 days in the NICU, they were able to bring their daughter Peyton home. I told Katy about this inspiring family and how Stacey had been blogging fairly consistently throughout. I expressed guilt at not having kept up our blog for the numerous people praying and thinking about us during our experience. Katy reminded me of my post regarding the NICU staff and how she had posted just over a month ago about how the boys were doing. I shrugged both of those off in light of Stacey's ability to continue posting throughout, what seems to us, overwhelming loss. So for hibernating, I do apologize.

That's what this post is going to be. Strictly an update. If I have the emotional energy, I may try and tackle a thoughtful post afterward. Without further ado, here's what's been going on since November 10th, the date of Katy's last post.

On November 13th, Samuel came home. All of us, especially Nick, could not have been more excited

 Even Lucy got in on the action. She was unsure, but at least she didn't shun him like she did to Nick for the first three years of his life. 

It was a long first night, but so, so, worth it. For the next nine days though, we struggled with spending too much time at home taking care of ol' Sam while not spending enough time at the hospital with David. We found ourselves splitting our time with David, rarely going as an entire family, trying to balance raising Nick and Samuel at home and getting quality time with David. Wrestling with guilt over getting to know Samuel so well at home and missing out on the same experience with David. We were faked out two days after Samuel was discharged when the NICU staff removed his o2 nasal cannula. 

They ran him through a car seat check, sitting him buckled up in his car seat and monitoring his levels for two hours. He passed the test with flying colors! That night however, he "de-sat'd" and was put back on o2 for a few more days. That was a tough one to swallow, especially since the 17th was their one month mark and they weren't living in the same place.

Soon it was over though and on November 22nd, our family was within our four walls, united at last. 

Having both of the boys home before Thanksgiving was amazing


We obviously can't say enough about the staff at Marian. They were amazing and will always have a special place in our hearts. That being said, we didn't realize how much of a toll it was taking on us emotionally to walk by the place where all of our triplets lived and where one of them died. We walked by the exact room where Joshua entered into heaven sometimes three times a day. We passed the operating room where we saw them come into this world. We sat for hours a few feet from where we saw Joshua failing to breathe. We daily saw the faces of the loving people who cared for Joshua in his few hours. These situations and associations were unavoidable and we wouldn't change what we went through by walking down those halls every day for 37 days. That number seems so small when its written out. Especially in light of the Skrysak's time in the NICU and especially our friends the Kostjuk's. But to us, it felt like a lifetime.

Well, life got in the way and although this post began shortly after Thanksgiving, it's concluding in January. 

The boys are amazing. We celebrated Christmas with both sides of the family, dedicated them at church this past Sunday with family and friends, and they're both double their birth weight now! They smile regularly, poop disgustingly, cry incessantly, and we love them unconditionally. I'll try and get Katy to post some pictures from the past month in her own post soon. Thank you for your prayers during our hiatus. Sorry it took so long. Taking care of two babies takes up a lot of time ;) 

hear my humble cry - 8/26/13 - 25w4d

David in 3D

David looking at the camera...creepily

David Side Profile

Joshua Side Profile

We've been keeping you guys in suspense for a while, only to have another appointment tomorrow. Sorry about that. Katy kept telling me all week it was my turn to write. I've had trouble formulating how to write all of what I've been thinking.

Not much changed again this week. Joshua is still lacking fluid. The boys all got measured again. David now weighs in at 2 lbs 4 oz, Samuel at 2 lbs even, and Joshua at 1 lb 5 oz. Dr. Shields told us he wants us to meet with a neonatologist and tour the NICU this coming week so we'll do that after the appointment tomorrow.

The only thing new that was reported was that he took a pretty close look at Joshua's heart in relation to his chest and his chest is definitely not keeping up with his heart, which is good and bad I guess. Good in that his heart and head are growing as they're supposed to be, bad because obviously something is going wrong internally, we just don't know what. Best guess at this point is still that his kidneys are either non-existent or not functioning at all. Other than that, he's behind in his growth but still growing, so that is a praise that he's not stagnant.

Right now Katy and I are doing our best to wrap our heads around the possibilities that could occur. So far we can think of three scenarios:

1 - Joshua is totally fine, spends some time in the NICU, and comes out in a few months
2 - Joshua needs major medical attention and could make it
3 - Joshua comes out and can't survive on his own, and do we try and keep him alive, or just hold him while we can

We're sure there are other scenarios as well, but they all seem to be variations of those three. The first is easy. The second, tough but doable. The third, nearly impossible to comprehend.

The last scenario has caused us to consider things like, do we have a service for him? When? Before David and Samuel are out of the NICU as well? Should we keep him on life support to donate his organs? Should it just be the three of us? Should we bring Nick in? Should we bring family and friends in to meet him and say goodbye? Should we spread his ashes? Plant a tree? A plot?

Some of these may seem grim, but all of them are real. These are the sorts of things you think about. While sitting here writing this, I considered another question: Can we get them all together one time to hold all three at once? As I typed, this beautiful rendition of "Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior" by Red Mountain Church was playing in the background:

Pass me not, O gentle Savior,

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by.

Savior, Savior,

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by.

Let me at Thy throne of mercy

Find a sweet relief,

Kneeling there in deep contrition;

Help my unbelief.

Savior, Savior,

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by.

Trusting only in Thy merit,

Would I seek Thy face;

Heal my wounded, broken spirit,

Save me by Thy grace.

Savior, Savior,

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by.

Thou the Spring of all my comfort,

More than life to me,

Whom have I on earth beside Thee?

Whom in Heav’n but Thee?

Savior, Savior,

Hear my humble cry;

While on others Thou art calling,

Do not pass me by. 

This is our selfish and direct request that we unashamedly pray for us and our boys. We are confident of our Joshua and the better existence he will have wrapped in his Savior's arms, but our concern is on the brokenness that is sure to come for Katy, Nick and I, as well as all that love us and our sons.

I was recently asked whether if I could do it all over again, both with Matty, our foster son, and with Joshua, if I would. If I knew ahead of time the grief that would come with Matty and the decisions involved with Joshua, would I do it all again. I related my answer to something I read recently. In our Sunday School class we're going through a new book entitled, The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim Keller, and in it he quotes C. S. Lewis as saying in his book, The Four Loves, this about love:

"Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglement; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation."

This type of action, shutting the love I have for these boys up forever, is and never will be an option. My answer to whether I would go through all this again is whole-heartedly and unabashedly a resounding yes. No way I would even give up the love I have experienced with all of my sons for even a second. In fact I would go through any scenario a million times worse if it meant being given the opportunity to love my boys in the way I have. 

I cannot predict what will happen, nor can Katy, nor any doctor we see. Only God knows what will happen. What I do know is where and in whom my faith resides, and He is greater than this situation and all of us, and in Him I go to and ask that in either tragedy or overwhelming joy, He hear my humble cry to not pass us by.

viability - 8/12/13 - 23w4d

Joshua Aaron

David Adam

Samuel Abraham

Yesterday was the day. We've reached the viability stage where if something were to go wrong, the doctor's could deliver the boys and they would have a chance of making it. Quite the milestone and one we've been anxiously awaiting for 21 weeks.

We saw both doctors on Monday and they were very pleased. Joshua's stomach and femurs grew at the same rate as the rest of his body, which indicates that while they are behind, they aren't stagnant and maybe, just maybe, they're getting the nutrients they need.

For once, our doctor's appointment didn't consist of negatives but the actual possibility of optimism on the horizon. There was discussion about overnight bags for the hospital, plans about seeing the babies, and the healthy progression of my wife's weight, a weird thing to be okay about.

Katy's blood pressure was a little up at the time, 130/82, but at this time not too much to be worried about. Obviously the chance of preeclampsia is higher with multiples, but there was no concern with the slow rise in her blood pressure since the beginning of her pregnancy.

We did clear up the discrepancy between the doctors and the conflicting probabilities they provided. Basically Dr. Shields was citing the global rate of survival at 24 weeks, 50%, and Dr. Yin was citing the national rate where pre-natal care was provided and a level 3 NICU was nearby, 90-95%. This didn't change the fact that if the boys were born this early they have a 50% chance of severe mental/physical disorders, but at least they could survive. We can deal with the rest and I know the boys can too.

All in all, not a lot to report, which is a very, very good thing.

We count each day these kids stay healthy inside of Katy as a notch in the win column, and if we can just get through these next four weeks to the 28 mark, it will be a day of great celebration.

ain't that a kick in the head - 7/23/13 - 20w5d

Smiling David

Samuel

Joshua (No 3D as there was too much stuff for the machine to go through)

I'll tell you guys how it went yesterday as I'm sure that's why you're reading this, but first, you have to labor through, pun intended, my story.

I had a meeting yesterday with some Christian men with whom I had just recently met. We were sitting at lunch and one of them asked me why we had done embryo adoption. I told them the story of our two foster babies, Matthew and Zane, specifically Matty's story. I explained how we received Matty after he was born five weeks premature to a mother who admittedly took meth two days before delivering and how Matthew had meth and morphine in his system at birth. How he was born with a cleft lip and palate. How we had to literally squeeze the milk from a special bottle into his tiny throat as he had no sucking mechanism due to the gaping hole in the roof of his mouth.

I tried to paint a picture of what it was like to wake up every two hours to feed an infant who is so hungry and yet can't swallow fast enough so the milk inevitably comes shooting out of his good right nostril because of its accidental slipping into his open palate. So far, no crying from this big babbling baby.

I went on to tell how through God's mercy and love Matty grew and became healthy and happy. He was always full of smiles, even when we had to put tape on his lips and nose to prep him for the upcoming surgery. How even with splints on his elbows to prevent him from grabbing at the tape he still would babble and giggle at our silly faces and Nick's goofiness as he tried to make him laugh. How we got used to the strange looks and the innocent questions from children to their parents, "Mommy, what's wrong with that baby's mouth?!" How it didn't phase us when a well-meaning adult described his current condition as "grotesque" but that after surgery he would look great. I'm sure none of my true emotion was coming through, but I was trying and again, not crying...yet.

I continued on by relating what it was like to watch your six month old be prepped for surgery, to see him whisked away on a gurney, so small and helpless with the cutest baby gown on, still smiling, still happy. How agonizing it was waiting for word from the surgeon that everything was okay and that Matty did great. Being told how the sutures and tape couldn't get wet which meant we couldn't clean him up the way he deserved for a whole week and had to leave dried blood, snot, and boogers crusted on his nose and upper lip while we attempted to "live a normal life." 

How the poor little guy slept like crazy and almost two days to the minute began bouncing back like nothing had happened. Within a week, he was smiling again through a tight upper lip, trying to learn what it felt like to have your two upper lips connected as his face moved with limitless expression. 

I had no way of telling these awesome men of God how much joy poured into our lives abundantly more than we ever deserved or thought possible when we not only were able to watch Nick and Zane, but now a fully healthy recovered Matthew. Ever full of laughter, ever full of joy, ever bringing happiness into our home. The month and a half after his surgery where all our boys were happy and growing, was the best time of our lives, and the happiest.

Matty's progress from a premie baby to a thriving eight month old was something I will always stand in awe of God for how He accomplished it and will always feel blessed to have been a part of.

Obviously it didn't last. Obviously the system is broken and we lost him. As far as we know he's doing okay, but the day we lost him was the darkest day of my life. I've never cried so much as I did in the days following Matty leaving our care. 

It felt as if he had died. 

I told the men in front of me how to top it all off, a week after, Nick, Zane, Katy and I were driving and from the backseat, I hear a very quiet three year old voice whimper, "Dad?" 

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw Nick with his chin on his chest looking at his feet. 

"Yeah buddy?" 

"It's my fault that Matty left, isn't it?" 

We were done. At this point we already knew Zane was leaving in a week or so and the look on Nick's face was too much to take. I couldn't answer him. I knew of course the answer was no, but my stomach was lodged so far into my throat and my heart had fallen onto the asphalt we were traveling on, that it felt like one of those dreams where you try and scream but can't. Katy rescued me as the tears streamed down my face and she told him of course it wasn't. I quickly regained my composure, pulled over, turned around, told him to look at me squarely in the eyes, and said, "This is not your fault. It's not our fault. It's not God's fault. God has a plan for Matty. We don't know what that plan is yet, but we trust His plan."

In that moment, I couldn't quote Romans 8:28 as I couldn't remember it, but the promise was embedded deep enough within me to get the gist across to Nick.

Fast forward to the present again. Here I was, sitting next to and across from Christian men I barely knew, welling up again, over a year and three months later, reliving the same emotions I did at that time with my son in sorrow. I explained to them that I wasn't strong enough to go through that again. I knew there were kids out there that needed caring for, but I couldn't handle it. Both for me, for Katy, and for Nick. It's not that I care more about these kids than a foster parent does, they're just stronger than I am, able to shoulder that burden and keep on loving. I am in paralyzing awe and admiration of a good foster parent who loves kid after kid after kid. It's not because they are withdrawn or void of emotion or disconnected or dehumanize the situation. I believe a good foster parent has just as much love for these children but is able to deal with the loss better than most of us can.

That's why we withdrew from the foster care program. 

They then asked the obvious follow-up question, why didn't you guys try in-vitro with your own embryos instead of someone else's? I informed them how we still felt a deep desire to help children who needed help the most, and what child is in more need than one still in a petrie dish and in cryogenic freezing? We made the decision not to have more embryof created but to give the embryos already created a chance to grow up. 

I left that lunch a little down, finished work and came home to find Nick already sleeping. After making sure he was tucked in and kissing his forehead, I walked out into the living room and sat next to my bride. I put my hand on her engorged belly as I usually do when we're just sitting there, and suddenly I felt them. It felt like Rock-em Sock-em Robots going on inside of her! Kick after kick after kick for a solid ten minutes and I was in heaven. Katy tried talking to me but I have no idea what she was saying. I was so intently focused on making sure I didn't miss a single kick that I couldn't hear a word she said, not that I can do anything else plus listen anyway. It took 20 weeks, but it was amazing. I don't know how Katy is doing it with those three banana-sized babies treating her insides like a bounce house, but it is overwhelming to feel them in there.

Back to the reason you're all here. Yesterday's doctor's appointment went just fine. Still status quo from the week before and nothing new to report. But again, all three are growing, hearts are beating, and no additional problems other than Joshua's non-existent amniotic fluid. And yesterday, after reliving our loss, it was the perfect news and a perfect ending.

the unknown - 7/16/13 - 19w5d

                            David

                            Samuel

                          Joshua

This weeks appointment was short and painless for the most part, as the doc likes to say "status quo." Once again Dr. Shields told us how he likes everything to fit into a box and make sense to him but our baby doesn't. Early on, Joshua was presenting an extremely large bladder which suggests that there were working kidneys and a bladder. However, the next appointment Joshua was displaying no bladder and low amniotic fluid. The next week Joshua had lost all fluid and this has been the case for a while now.  It seems like there might be some kind of congenital heart defect although, all of the plumbing and chambers are formed. None of this fits into a box and has a simple medical explanation so at this point we are still left guessing at the cause and what the path was that led to it.

While I am only 20 weeks I'm getting very uncomfortable and we are ready to meet our little men in person. We know how underdeveloped they are but, October cannot come soon enough.  

the big one - 7/8/13 - 18w4d

   

David Adam

Samuel Abraham

Joshua Aaron

This was to be the week of the Big ultrasound, the one where the baby is looked at from every angle possible and all of the organs are analyzed. It is generally the time that you would find out the sex of the baby. So, we got a sitter for Nick, knowing that this was expected to be a long appointment, and headed to the office. We went in with the same nervous feeling of what would we do if we only saw two heart beats but our minds were quickly set at ease when the technician who was doing our scan confirmed that she saw all the hearts beating. She went on to look at each baby closely and confirm once again that they were all boys. 

Next it was Dr. Shields turn. He came in the room with only one thing to say to us and that was that everything looked status quo. Joshua was still displaying no fluid and the walls of his heart still looked to be thick. Although he was still not sure what this meant since all four chambers of his heart have been formed. He told us that we needed to stay optimistic and the appointment had gone as well as could be expected. David and Samuel were looking great and so was my cervix and while we would like to see some change for the better in Joshua, we didn't see a change for the worse which is a blessing.  

We would like to be able to walk in to or out of one of these appointments with confidence, but I don't think that is in the plan for us and we're okay with that. God knows these babies, loves them, and is in control of their futures and that fact is more comforting to us than our own peace of mind. We will continue to pray and ask that you lift all of these babies up in prayer as well. While I only have about three months left, even the doc says that it's going to be a very long and rocky road ahead.

good and bad news - 7/2/13 -17w5d

I have been feeling these little guys move for the past few weeks now and in light of all the good and bad news we have been getting, I'm constantly trying to pinpoint where and who had moved for that day. When this appointment came about I was nervous because I didn't think that Joshua had been on the move for a while. When we pulled into the parking lot, we started with what has seemed to become the "normal" ritual. We said a few words of prayer and since we were late (S.O.P for the Grindy's) hopped out of the car and practically ran up to the office. Once there, we checked in and waited for the doctor. The technician set us up and told us that Dr. Shields wanted to do our scan again hence why this post contains no pictures. I would say that he was more anxious just to get down to it and so were we. The first thing we found ourselves asking was if he saw three heart beats and the answer was YES. Once again relief washed, over us. Relief for us, Nick (who was at the appointment), and Joshua. 

During the days leading up to the appointment we had become increasingly interested in the importance of amniotic fluid for a developing baby. Once again we took to the internet and began seeing that the fluid didn't provide any nutritional value. It does however provide a cushion to both baby and umbilical cord as well as providing space for movement and growth. Through a friends recent tragedy we also learned that pinching of the cord can result in brain damage. In light of this information, we asked Dr. Shields if the collapse of the amnio sack around Joshua would result in his cord also collapsing. I was fully expecting to hear a yes so when the word no came out of his mouth I was astounded. He went on to tell us that this would be the case in a single pregnancy but since we're talking about multiple sacs, it was not as probable. Joshua and the umbilical cord could be protected by David and Samuel's sacs. In addition, he saw that things had moved around a bit and Joshua was no longer being pushed to one side like before, he was now in between David and Samuel and they were providing the most protection possible. Isn't it funny how God answers prayer? We were asking for a miracle but assumed that if it came it would be an increase in the fluid. Instead, God decided to not refill his amniotic fluid but have his brothers protect him. We were by no means out of the woods but for us this was wonderful news. 

Before the appointment concluded, Dr. Shields told us how he likes to have everything make sense and our baby did not and he wanted to figure it out. So, he made the speculation that there might be a tear or malformation in the amnio sack causing the fluid to leak out into the chorion and be absorbed. If this was the case, then it might mean that Joshua's kidneys are in fact functioning and producing urine, but it's all leaking out. The only thing that was holding the doctor back from making this a concrete observation is that when he looked at Joshua's heart, he thought the walls were too "thick" and if there is a malformation in the heart it is very likely that there is a problem with the kidneys as well. For now, we find ourselves in the uncomfortable "waiting" place once again.           

          

what's in a name - 16 weeks 6 days - 6/26/13

Baby A's Hand

We waited in nervous anticipation for the next few days. Obviously it was going to take a while for the two doctors to communicate as we all know how doctor's offices are with their crazy schedules. But it seemed to be taking forever. We had an appointment scheduled for the 27th which would put Katy at exactly 17 weeks, but on Tuesday morning the 25th, Katy received a phone call from Dr. Sheild's office. The receptionist was requesting us to come in that afternoon at 4:30. She explained that Dr. Shield's had been attempting to contact Dr. Chmait for us and asked us to see Dr. Shield's as soon as we could. Katy's heart stopped. I was in the middle of my crazy sleep schedule, preparing for graveyards that night and dead to the world at ten in the morning, when Katy woke me up to tell me all of this. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Immediately we both assumed the worst, that Dr. Chmait had seen something on the ultrasounds that led him to believe something was very wrong with baby C to the point where he couldn't operate on him. I asked Katy to see if they could schedule it just a bit earlier as I would have to miss work with it being that late. Katy called back and the receptionist related she would try. She called back a while later and said she rescheduled it for the next day at 2:30, which was not what we wanted at all! Obviously we wanted this appointment to come as soon as possible to either give us the bad news to begin coping with it or at the very least figure out what was going on. Now it was too late and we just accepted the appointment as is. 

It seemed like every time we went to Dr. Shield's office, we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This time it was magnified by ten thousand. We have been in constant prayer for these boys, unceasing in our requests to our heavenly Father, but that day was different. The car ride over was eerily silent. We left Nick with some friends as we didn't want him there for any horrible news or to see his parents completely lose their minds. In the parking lot, we held each others hands, closed our eyes, and asked God to heal our son and if He chose not to, to give us the strength to make it through and the wisdom to share the news with our four year old. After feeling as at peace as we could, we made the long walk up to his office. For the first time, the nurse said that Dr. Shields wanted to do the ultrasound himself, and not let her do her regular measurements. This just made us about lose it, again assuming he wanted to be the one to tell us the horrible fate that was sure to come. Our faces easily gave away our inward emotions when Dr. Shields entered the exam room as he told us we looked like we had seen a ghost. We nervously smiled and waited for the prognosis. After what seemed like an eternity of him quietly scanning the ultrasound, I asked him exactly why we had been called in early. He asked me what I meant. I told him how we had been called in early as our scheduled appointment was not until the next day and what had transpired the day before. Dr. Shields quickly apologized and said he had merely wanted to make sure we were being seen as he did not think we had any scheduled appointments that week. He assured us that all three boys' hearts looked fine, that baby C's fluid was at this point virtually non-existent, but that they all had grown and had strong heartbeats. The relief and stress that exited from Katy and I was palpable, so much so that we both ignored the mistake and were just thankful that all the boys were okay for now. 

Dr. Shields also told us about his conversation with Dr. Chmait who was not convinced that there was enough evidence to diagnose TTTS at this point. Dr. Shields explained how it now appeared baby B did not have any excess fluid or an enlarged bladder, which would suggest he was the receiver in the TTTS scenario, even though baby C's bladder was not visible and his amnio sac had shrunk significantly. At this point, the only thing we could do was wait another week and see what transpired. We asked what it would mean for the rest of the pregnancy since baby C's amniotic fluid was completely gone. He told us how it was not a guarantee that baby C would make it to full term, but that some babies can be born without any amniotic fluid. The risk for fatality obviously increases due to baby C's lack of protection for his umbilical cord, thus increasing the possibility for the cord to be pinched and the blood to his brain to cease. That slim glimmer of hope was enough for us and that concluded the visit.

We came in to the appointment expecting the worst. While it wasn't great news, in light of the situation we had envisioned it was fantastic news! Our boys did not seem to have TTTS and we did not have to make a decision at this point as to whether we should go forward with the laser therapy or septostomy as there was not enough evidence to make that decision either way. 

As we drove away that afternoon, we both decided we were done referring to our boys by letters. We were going to give them names, even if one or all of them did not survive, to humanize them as we knew they were, and give them the love and respect a name can bring versus a letter. We decided we couldn't allow these three boys to not be a part of the embarrassing tradition of a consonant first initial and middle initial of "A," so here's where our family stands:

RAG - Robert Andrew Grindy

KAG - Kathryn Ann Grindy

NAG - Nicholas Andrew Grindy

DAG - David Adam Grindy - Baby Boy A

SAG - Samuel Abraham Grindy - Baby Boy B

JAG - Joshua Aaron Grindy - Baby Boy C

We're torturing our children. We know. 

it's a man's world - 6/20/13 - 16 weeks

We forgot to write on the previous post, that what the nurse thought was two girls and a boy actually turned out to be three boys! We definitely were looking forward to having another girl in the house, for me to spoil and Katy to have someone for her team as every child who we've had has been a boy, and it looks like this trend would continue! But in the end, we truly truly just wanted all three of these boys to come out of the womb and enter the world, regardless of their gender.

A

 B

 C

Back to the actual week...

TTTS was a brand new term to us. We had no idea what it meant for our babies or for us. We also were very reluctant to begin googling anything as we had been advised, very wisely, to not look online at anything. Needless to say, the draw was too strong and we caved. Fortunately, the first search took us to a website called the TTTS Foundation. After sending an email to the contact person we were surprised when the actual founder, Mary Slaman-Forsythe, emailed me back within 12 hours. She gave me all kinds of information regarding TTTS as well as a link to her Facebook page which connected us with numerous other parents of twins who had/have TTTS. She also forwarded on my info to a man named Dr. Julian De Lia, a renowned researcher and pioneer in the aforementioned laser surgery. Mary is a super sweet woman and I would direct anyone who knows their twins have TTTS to her foundation. Amazingly enough, two days later, Dr. De Lia called Katy personally and spent the better part of an hour walking her through all of the things to look for, ask of our perinatologist, and answering questions. It blew us away that this doctor who has his own patients, research, and life to take care of, was willing to call us on his personal time with very little knowledge of who we were or what we were going through. Dr. De Lia was extremely gracious, kind, and loving to our family and the impression he left, as well as the knowledge, we will be forever grateful for.

The week in between these ultrasounds was quite encouraging with all of the support we had. We went into the appointment feeling equipped and ready to tackle whatever Dr. Shields saw on the screen. Sure enough, it appeared as if baby C had lost more amniotic fluid and baby B's fluid was slightly elevated. Additionally, he could not see baby C's bladder. This suggested his bladder may be empty because it was not receiving enough blood from the placenta to his kidneys to create urine and thus make his bladder visible once it had filled. Dr. Shields still felt as if our best option was for the laser therapy with a man named Dr. Chmait (pronounced Sh-might) down at USC, one of the leading fetal specialists.

So far we have more doctors than we have babies:

Dr. Steinleitner - infertility specialist
Dr. Yin - OBGYN
Dr. Shields - perinatologist
Dr. De Lia - laser therapy pioneer
Dr. Chmait - fetal specialist

The next step was for Dr. Shields to contact Dr. Chmait, send over all of our triplets information, let Dr. Chmait analyze it, and hopefully schedule an appointment for us to go down to LA. I stressed how willing I was to move around my work schedule to accomodate Dr. Chmait's schedule to get in as soon as possible. Once again, everything was completely out of our control and in God's hands, as it always was and will be.

sexes? - 13 weeks - 5/30/2013

A

B

C

At this ultrasound, my friend Caitrin came with me for support as Rob was in Sacramento for training and couldn't make it down. It was awesome to have her there for comfort! If you listen close to the video, you can hear the nurse in the background explaining that she thought baby A was a BOY! She then gave us the exciting news that she thought babies B and C, who would be the identicals, were GIRLS! One boy and two girls! We were very excited!

In the previous ultrasound we found out that baby C was on the small side of things so the doctor insisted that we see him every two weeks to keep an eye on the growth. When he looked this time we were very pleased to see that C was the same size as A and it was now B who was measuring a little bit bigger than the other two. The doctor wasn't so sure about the sexes, saying it was probably too early to tell. The pregnancy was now at 13 weeks and everything seemed to be back on track...except for the face of the doctor.

He explained that while he was doing his in-depth study on baby C, it was very obvious that its bladder was enlarged. This was a concern because it could mean that the baby was swallowing the amniotic fluid but not urinating it back out into its amniotic sac. If the bladder got too large, this might put some strain on the kidneys and the potential outcome could be kidney failure. We were told that this could have several different causes. The first, and easiest to remedy, would be that there was a blockage in the baby's urethra and the only thing they would need to do right now would be to poke a small hole in the membrane between B and C to allow the fluid to flow evenly between the two amnio sacs. Then after the baby was born, there would be a minor surgery performed that would unblock anything that was obstructing the flow of urine. The second cause was that it might also be possible that the baby's urethra never formed, which would result in a much more complex surgery after birth. He would also recommend that we have a shunt put in to the baby's bladder which would stick out of my belly. Third, if C was a girl, then it could be that he was seeing a cyst on one of her ovaries, which would just dissipate over time and was nothing to be overly concerned about. The doctor also said that a fourth option would be to completely eliminate C all together so as not to put any stress on the other two babies, which, as Rob previously posted, would never be an option for us.  At this time, with so many unknowns, we just needed to wait and see what we saw on the next ultrasound.