ain't that a kick in the head - 7/23/13 - 20w5d

Smiling David

Samuel

Joshua (No 3D as there was too much stuff for the machine to go through)

I'll tell you guys how it went yesterday as I'm sure that's why you're reading this, but first, you have to labor through, pun intended, my story.

I had a meeting yesterday with some Christian men with whom I had just recently met. We were sitting at lunch and one of them asked me why we had done embryo adoption. I told them the story of our two foster babies, Matthew and Zane, specifically Matty's story. I explained how we received Matty after he was born five weeks premature to a mother who admittedly took meth two days before delivering and how Matthew had meth and morphine in his system at birth. How he was born with a cleft lip and palate. How we had to literally squeeze the milk from a special bottle into his tiny throat as he had no sucking mechanism due to the gaping hole in the roof of his mouth.

I tried to paint a picture of what it was like to wake up every two hours to feed an infant who is so hungry and yet can't swallow fast enough so the milk inevitably comes shooting out of his good right nostril because of its accidental slipping into his open palate. So far, no crying from this big babbling baby.

I went on to tell how through God's mercy and love Matty grew and became healthy and happy. He was always full of smiles, even when we had to put tape on his lips and nose to prep him for the upcoming surgery. How even with splints on his elbows to prevent him from grabbing at the tape he still would babble and giggle at our silly faces and Nick's goofiness as he tried to make him laugh. How we got used to the strange looks and the innocent questions from children to their parents, "Mommy, what's wrong with that baby's mouth?!" How it didn't phase us when a well-meaning adult described his current condition as "grotesque" but that after surgery he would look great. I'm sure none of my true emotion was coming through, but I was trying and again, not crying...yet.

I continued on by relating what it was like to watch your six month old be prepped for surgery, to see him whisked away on a gurney, so small and helpless with the cutest baby gown on, still smiling, still happy. How agonizing it was waiting for word from the surgeon that everything was okay and that Matty did great. Being told how the sutures and tape couldn't get wet which meant we couldn't clean him up the way he deserved for a whole week and had to leave dried blood, snot, and boogers crusted on his nose and upper lip while we attempted to "live a normal life." 

How the poor little guy slept like crazy and almost two days to the minute began bouncing back like nothing had happened. Within a week, he was smiling again through a tight upper lip, trying to learn what it felt like to have your two upper lips connected as his face moved with limitless expression. 

I had no way of telling these awesome men of God how much joy poured into our lives abundantly more than we ever deserved or thought possible when we not only were able to watch Nick and Zane, but now a fully healthy recovered Matthew. Ever full of laughter, ever full of joy, ever bringing happiness into our home. The month and a half after his surgery where all our boys were happy and growing, was the best time of our lives, and the happiest.

Matty's progress from a premie baby to a thriving eight month old was something I will always stand in awe of God for how He accomplished it and will always feel blessed to have been a part of.

Obviously it didn't last. Obviously the system is broken and we lost him. As far as we know he's doing okay, but the day we lost him was the darkest day of my life. I've never cried so much as I did in the days following Matty leaving our care. 

It felt as if he had died. 

I told the men in front of me how to top it all off, a week after, Nick, Zane, Katy and I were driving and from the backseat, I hear a very quiet three year old voice whimper, "Dad?" 

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw Nick with his chin on his chest looking at his feet. 

"Yeah buddy?" 

"It's my fault that Matty left, isn't it?" 

We were done. At this point we already knew Zane was leaving in a week or so and the look on Nick's face was too much to take. I couldn't answer him. I knew of course the answer was no, but my stomach was lodged so far into my throat and my heart had fallen onto the asphalt we were traveling on, that it felt like one of those dreams where you try and scream but can't. Katy rescued me as the tears streamed down my face and she told him of course it wasn't. I quickly regained my composure, pulled over, turned around, told him to look at me squarely in the eyes, and said, "This is not your fault. It's not our fault. It's not God's fault. God has a plan for Matty. We don't know what that plan is yet, but we trust His plan."

In that moment, I couldn't quote Romans 8:28 as I couldn't remember it, but the promise was embedded deep enough within me to get the gist across to Nick.

Fast forward to the present again. Here I was, sitting next to and across from Christian men I barely knew, welling up again, over a year and three months later, reliving the same emotions I did at that time with my son in sorrow. I explained to them that I wasn't strong enough to go through that again. I knew there were kids out there that needed caring for, but I couldn't handle it. Both for me, for Katy, and for Nick. It's not that I care more about these kids than a foster parent does, they're just stronger than I am, able to shoulder that burden and keep on loving. I am in paralyzing awe and admiration of a good foster parent who loves kid after kid after kid. It's not because they are withdrawn or void of emotion or disconnected or dehumanize the situation. I believe a good foster parent has just as much love for these children but is able to deal with the loss better than most of us can.

That's why we withdrew from the foster care program. 

They then asked the obvious follow-up question, why didn't you guys try in-vitro with your own embryos instead of someone else's? I informed them how we still felt a deep desire to help children who needed help the most, and what child is in more need than one still in a petrie dish and in cryogenic freezing? We made the decision not to have more embryof created but to give the embryos already created a chance to grow up. 

I left that lunch a little down, finished work and came home to find Nick already sleeping. After making sure he was tucked in and kissing his forehead, I walked out into the living room and sat next to my bride. I put my hand on her engorged belly as I usually do when we're just sitting there, and suddenly I felt them. It felt like Rock-em Sock-em Robots going on inside of her! Kick after kick after kick for a solid ten minutes and I was in heaven. Katy tried talking to me but I have no idea what she was saying. I was so intently focused on making sure I didn't miss a single kick that I couldn't hear a word she said, not that I can do anything else plus listen anyway. It took 20 weeks, but it was amazing. I don't know how Katy is doing it with those three banana-sized babies treating her insides like a bounce house, but it is overwhelming to feel them in there.

Back to the reason you're all here. Yesterday's doctor's appointment went just fine. Still status quo from the week before and nothing new to report. But again, all three are growing, hearts are beating, and no additional problems other than Joshua's non-existent amniotic fluid. And yesterday, after reliving our loss, it was the perfect news and a perfect ending.

the unknown - 7/16/13 - 19w5d

                            David

                            Samuel

                          Joshua

This weeks appointment was short and painless for the most part, as the doc likes to say "status quo." Once again Dr. Shields told us how he likes everything to fit into a box and make sense to him but our baby doesn't. Early on, Joshua was presenting an extremely large bladder which suggests that there were working kidneys and a bladder. However, the next appointment Joshua was displaying no bladder and low amniotic fluid. The next week Joshua had lost all fluid and this has been the case for a while now.  It seems like there might be some kind of congenital heart defect although, all of the plumbing and chambers are formed. None of this fits into a box and has a simple medical explanation so at this point we are still left guessing at the cause and what the path was that led to it.

While I am only 20 weeks I'm getting very uncomfortable and we are ready to meet our little men in person. We know how underdeveloped they are but, October cannot come soon enough.  

the big one - 7/8/13 - 18w4d

   

David Adam

Samuel Abraham

Joshua Aaron

This was to be the week of the Big ultrasound, the one where the baby is looked at from every angle possible and all of the organs are analyzed. It is generally the time that you would find out the sex of the baby. So, we got a sitter for Nick, knowing that this was expected to be a long appointment, and headed to the office. We went in with the same nervous feeling of what would we do if we only saw two heart beats but our minds were quickly set at ease when the technician who was doing our scan confirmed that she saw all the hearts beating. She went on to look at each baby closely and confirm once again that they were all boys. 

Next it was Dr. Shields turn. He came in the room with only one thing to say to us and that was that everything looked status quo. Joshua was still displaying no fluid and the walls of his heart still looked to be thick. Although he was still not sure what this meant since all four chambers of his heart have been formed. He told us that we needed to stay optimistic and the appointment had gone as well as could be expected. David and Samuel were looking great and so was my cervix and while we would like to see some change for the better in Joshua, we didn't see a change for the worse which is a blessing.  

We would like to be able to walk in to or out of one of these appointments with confidence, but I don't think that is in the plan for us and we're okay with that. God knows these babies, loves them, and is in control of their futures and that fact is more comforting to us than our own peace of mind. We will continue to pray and ask that you lift all of these babies up in prayer as well. While I only have about three months left, even the doc says that it's going to be a very long and rocky road ahead.

good and bad news - 7/2/13 -17w5d

I have been feeling these little guys move for the past few weeks now and in light of all the good and bad news we have been getting, I'm constantly trying to pinpoint where and who had moved for that day. When this appointment came about I was nervous because I didn't think that Joshua had been on the move for a while. When we pulled into the parking lot, we started with what has seemed to become the "normal" ritual. We said a few words of prayer and since we were late (S.O.P for the Grindy's) hopped out of the car and practically ran up to the office. Once there, we checked in and waited for the doctor. The technician set us up and told us that Dr. Shields wanted to do our scan again hence why this post contains no pictures. I would say that he was more anxious just to get down to it and so were we. The first thing we found ourselves asking was if he saw three heart beats and the answer was YES. Once again relief washed, over us. Relief for us, Nick (who was at the appointment), and Joshua. 

During the days leading up to the appointment we had become increasingly interested in the importance of amniotic fluid for a developing baby. Once again we took to the internet and began seeing that the fluid didn't provide any nutritional value. It does however provide a cushion to both baby and umbilical cord as well as providing space for movement and growth. Through a friends recent tragedy we also learned that pinching of the cord can result in brain damage. In light of this information, we asked Dr. Shields if the collapse of the amnio sack around Joshua would result in his cord also collapsing. I was fully expecting to hear a yes so when the word no came out of his mouth I was astounded. He went on to tell us that this would be the case in a single pregnancy but since we're talking about multiple sacs, it was not as probable. Joshua and the umbilical cord could be protected by David and Samuel's sacs. In addition, he saw that things had moved around a bit and Joshua was no longer being pushed to one side like before, he was now in between David and Samuel and they were providing the most protection possible. Isn't it funny how God answers prayer? We were asking for a miracle but assumed that if it came it would be an increase in the fluid. Instead, God decided to not refill his amniotic fluid but have his brothers protect him. We were by no means out of the woods but for us this was wonderful news. 

Before the appointment concluded, Dr. Shields told us how he likes to have everything make sense and our baby did not and he wanted to figure it out. So, he made the speculation that there might be a tear or malformation in the amnio sack causing the fluid to leak out into the chorion and be absorbed. If this was the case, then it might mean that Joshua's kidneys are in fact functioning and producing urine, but it's all leaking out. The only thing that was holding the doctor back from making this a concrete observation is that when he looked at Joshua's heart, he thought the walls were too "thick" and if there is a malformation in the heart it is very likely that there is a problem with the kidneys as well. For now, we find ourselves in the uncomfortable "waiting" place once again.           

          

what's in a name - 16 weeks 6 days - 6/26/13

Baby A's Hand

We waited in nervous anticipation for the next few days. Obviously it was going to take a while for the two doctors to communicate as we all know how doctor's offices are with their crazy schedules. But it seemed to be taking forever. We had an appointment scheduled for the 27th which would put Katy at exactly 17 weeks, but on Tuesday morning the 25th, Katy received a phone call from Dr. Sheild's office. The receptionist was requesting us to come in that afternoon at 4:30. She explained that Dr. Shield's had been attempting to contact Dr. Chmait for us and asked us to see Dr. Shield's as soon as we could. Katy's heart stopped. I was in the middle of my crazy sleep schedule, preparing for graveyards that night and dead to the world at ten in the morning, when Katy woke me up to tell me all of this. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Immediately we both assumed the worst, that Dr. Chmait had seen something on the ultrasounds that led him to believe something was very wrong with baby C to the point where he couldn't operate on him. I asked Katy to see if they could schedule it just a bit earlier as I would have to miss work with it being that late. Katy called back and the receptionist related she would try. She called back a while later and said she rescheduled it for the next day at 2:30, which was not what we wanted at all! Obviously we wanted this appointment to come as soon as possible to either give us the bad news to begin coping with it or at the very least figure out what was going on. Now it was too late and we just accepted the appointment as is. 

It seemed like every time we went to Dr. Shield's office, we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This time it was magnified by ten thousand. We have been in constant prayer for these boys, unceasing in our requests to our heavenly Father, but that day was different. The car ride over was eerily silent. We left Nick with some friends as we didn't want him there for any horrible news or to see his parents completely lose their minds. In the parking lot, we held each others hands, closed our eyes, and asked God to heal our son and if He chose not to, to give us the strength to make it through and the wisdom to share the news with our four year old. After feeling as at peace as we could, we made the long walk up to his office. For the first time, the nurse said that Dr. Shields wanted to do the ultrasound himself, and not let her do her regular measurements. This just made us about lose it, again assuming he wanted to be the one to tell us the horrible fate that was sure to come. Our faces easily gave away our inward emotions when Dr. Shields entered the exam room as he told us we looked like we had seen a ghost. We nervously smiled and waited for the prognosis. After what seemed like an eternity of him quietly scanning the ultrasound, I asked him exactly why we had been called in early. He asked me what I meant. I told him how we had been called in early as our scheduled appointment was not until the next day and what had transpired the day before. Dr. Shields quickly apologized and said he had merely wanted to make sure we were being seen as he did not think we had any scheduled appointments that week. He assured us that all three boys' hearts looked fine, that baby C's fluid was at this point virtually non-existent, but that they all had grown and had strong heartbeats. The relief and stress that exited from Katy and I was palpable, so much so that we both ignored the mistake and were just thankful that all the boys were okay for now. 

Dr. Shields also told us about his conversation with Dr. Chmait who was not convinced that there was enough evidence to diagnose TTTS at this point. Dr. Shields explained how it now appeared baby B did not have any excess fluid or an enlarged bladder, which would suggest he was the receiver in the TTTS scenario, even though baby C's bladder was not visible and his amnio sac had shrunk significantly. At this point, the only thing we could do was wait another week and see what transpired. We asked what it would mean for the rest of the pregnancy since baby C's amniotic fluid was completely gone. He told us how it was not a guarantee that baby C would make it to full term, but that some babies can be born without any amniotic fluid. The risk for fatality obviously increases due to baby C's lack of protection for his umbilical cord, thus increasing the possibility for the cord to be pinched and the blood to his brain to cease. That slim glimmer of hope was enough for us and that concluded the visit.

We came in to the appointment expecting the worst. While it wasn't great news, in light of the situation we had envisioned it was fantastic news! Our boys did not seem to have TTTS and we did not have to make a decision at this point as to whether we should go forward with the laser therapy or septostomy as there was not enough evidence to make that decision either way. 

As we drove away that afternoon, we both decided we were done referring to our boys by letters. We were going to give them names, even if one or all of them did not survive, to humanize them as we knew they were, and give them the love and respect a name can bring versus a letter. We decided we couldn't allow these three boys to not be a part of the embarrassing tradition of a consonant first initial and middle initial of "A," so here's where our family stands:

RAG - Robert Andrew Grindy

KAG - Kathryn Ann Grindy

NAG - Nicholas Andrew Grindy

DAG - David Adam Grindy - Baby Boy A

SAG - Samuel Abraham Grindy - Baby Boy B

JAG - Joshua Aaron Grindy - Baby Boy C

We're torturing our children. We know. 

it's a man's world - 6/20/13 - 16 weeks

We forgot to write on the previous post, that what the nurse thought was two girls and a boy actually turned out to be three boys! We definitely were looking forward to having another girl in the house, for me to spoil and Katy to have someone for her team as every child who we've had has been a boy, and it looks like this trend would continue! But in the end, we truly truly just wanted all three of these boys to come out of the womb and enter the world, regardless of their gender.

A

 B

 C

Back to the actual week...

TTTS was a brand new term to us. We had no idea what it meant for our babies or for us. We also were very reluctant to begin googling anything as we had been advised, very wisely, to not look online at anything. Needless to say, the draw was too strong and we caved. Fortunately, the first search took us to a website called the TTTS Foundation. After sending an email to the contact person we were surprised when the actual founder, Mary Slaman-Forsythe, emailed me back within 12 hours. She gave me all kinds of information regarding TTTS as well as a link to her Facebook page which connected us with numerous other parents of twins who had/have TTTS. She also forwarded on my info to a man named Dr. Julian De Lia, a renowned researcher and pioneer in the aforementioned laser surgery. Mary is a super sweet woman and I would direct anyone who knows their twins have TTTS to her foundation. Amazingly enough, two days later, Dr. De Lia called Katy personally and spent the better part of an hour walking her through all of the things to look for, ask of our perinatologist, and answering questions. It blew us away that this doctor who has his own patients, research, and life to take care of, was willing to call us on his personal time with very little knowledge of who we were or what we were going through. Dr. De Lia was extremely gracious, kind, and loving to our family and the impression he left, as well as the knowledge, we will be forever grateful for.

The week in between these ultrasounds was quite encouraging with all of the support we had. We went into the appointment feeling equipped and ready to tackle whatever Dr. Shields saw on the screen. Sure enough, it appeared as if baby C had lost more amniotic fluid and baby B's fluid was slightly elevated. Additionally, he could not see baby C's bladder. This suggested his bladder may be empty because it was not receiving enough blood from the placenta to his kidneys to create urine and thus make his bladder visible once it had filled. Dr. Shields still felt as if our best option was for the laser therapy with a man named Dr. Chmait (pronounced Sh-might) down at USC, one of the leading fetal specialists.

So far we have more doctors than we have babies:

Dr. Steinleitner - infertility specialist
Dr. Yin - OBGYN
Dr. Shields - perinatologist
Dr. De Lia - laser therapy pioneer
Dr. Chmait - fetal specialist

The next step was for Dr. Shields to contact Dr. Chmait, send over all of our triplets information, let Dr. Chmait analyze it, and hopefully schedule an appointment for us to go down to LA. I stressed how willing I was to move around my work schedule to accomodate Dr. Chmait's schedule to get in as soon as possible. Once again, everything was completely out of our control and in God's hands, as it always was and will be.

relief - 15 weeks - 6/13/2013

A

B

C

The wait until the next appointment was agonizing! It is well known by Christians that "a child is a gift from God," but when you are faced with the possibility of a loss, it is sad to say, faith might waver and you begin to think that you have control over the situation. Rob and I were constantly on the internet trying to find out anything and everything we could about this bladder problem and what we might be able to do, when in reality God knew all along.

We checked in at the front desk and after what felt like an eternity went back to see the doctor. He looked and looked without saying much of anything until finally he revealed that baby C's bladder was back to normal! Relief and guilt would be the words to describe how we felt at this moment. Relief that things where looking good and guilt about how we doubted God's providence. In our minds the appointment was finished and it was time for us to leave but the doctor had the same look on his face from the previous ultrasound.

Baby C was now measuring low on amnionic fluid. As you can see from the pictures above, babies A and B have a lot of fluid surrounding them, in sort of an egg shape of blackness, thus giving them more room to stretch and move their limbs, while C's fluid was more like a deflating balloon. The most feasible solution the doctor could give us was that this was a rare condition called twin to twin transfusion syndrome, or TTTS. Baby B and C are thought to be the identical twins who share a placenta and chorion sac, and in this case some of the wiring got mixed up so you have what is called a donor and receiver. Essentially, they share some blood vessels and in cases like this, the donor baby would give most of it fluid to the receiver, causing the receiver to have an enlarged bladder and excessive amniotic fluid while the donor did not display a bladder and had little to no amniotic fluid. He went on to explain how there is a doctor down in LA who has been successful at performing an invasive endoscopic laser surgery that would get the wiring back on track. However, it was a bit premature for Dr. Shields to recommend this course of action so he asked that we come back to see him the next week...AGAIN. So we left the doctor's office feeling even worse than we had the previous appointment.

sexes? - 13 weeks - 5/30/2013

A

B

C

At this ultrasound, my friend Caitrin came with me for support as Rob was in Sacramento for training and couldn't make it down. It was awesome to have her there for comfort! If you listen close to the video, you can hear the nurse in the background explaining that she thought baby A was a BOY! She then gave us the exciting news that she thought babies B and C, who would be the identicals, were GIRLS! One boy and two girls! We were very excited!

In the previous ultrasound we found out that baby C was on the small side of things so the doctor insisted that we see him every two weeks to keep an eye on the growth. When he looked this time we were very pleased to see that C was the same size as A and it was now B who was measuring a little bit bigger than the other two. The doctor wasn't so sure about the sexes, saying it was probably too early to tell. The pregnancy was now at 13 weeks and everything seemed to be back on track...except for the face of the doctor.

He explained that while he was doing his in-depth study on baby C, it was very obvious that its bladder was enlarged. This was a concern because it could mean that the baby was swallowing the amniotic fluid but not urinating it back out into its amniotic sac. If the bladder got too large, this might put some strain on the kidneys and the potential outcome could be kidney failure. We were told that this could have several different causes. The first, and easiest to remedy, would be that there was a blockage in the baby's urethra and the only thing they would need to do right now would be to poke a small hole in the membrane between B and C to allow the fluid to flow evenly between the two amnio sacs. Then after the baby was born, there would be a minor surgery performed that would unblock anything that was obstructing the flow of urine. The second cause was that it might also be possible that the baby's urethra never formed, which would result in a much more complex surgery after birth. He would also recommend that we have a shunt put in to the baby's bladder which would stick out of my belly. Third, if C was a girl, then it could be that he was seeing a cyst on one of her ovaries, which would just dissipate over time and was nothing to be overly concerned about. The doctor also said that a fourth option would be to completely eliminate C all together so as not to put any stress on the other two babies, which, as Rob previously posted, would never be an option for us.  At this time, with so many unknowns, we just needed to wait and see what we saw on the next ultrasound.

perry-nay-tall-oh-gist - 10 1/2 weeks - 5/13/2013

For Nick's pregnancy, we used an obstetrician/gynecologist down in Santa Barbara. Since the possibility was close to 100% that our kids would be in the NICU for an extended amount of time, we decided to switch OB's to one at our local hospital which just opened up a state of the art NICU. Her name is Dr. Yin and she is this adorable woman who just loves Katy and these babies and it was obvious from the first visit. However, when you find out you are having triplets, you can't just go see an OB, you have to see a perinatologist. Basically, a high risk pregnancy doc. Ours is named Dr. Shields. There are good and bad things about seeing one of these doctors. The good is that every time you see him, you get a very high tech ultrasound with an in depth analysis of each of the babies. The bad is that every time you see him, you get a very high tech ultrasound with an in depth analysis of each of the babies. This brings with it bad news. On our first visit with him, he was very excited for us, but stressed the medical practice of selective reduction, which is exactly what it sounds like. His straight to the point attitude and lack of a compassionate bedside manner was very off putting. We understand that there are a lot of people who are pro-parental-choice, but we are not one of those. Apparently we did not make this very clear when he asked us for an explanation of why we did embryo adoption. He asked us on not one, not two, but on three separate occasions if this was something we wanted to do. Out of morbid curiosity I asked him what he meant by "selective reduction." He went on to explain how they would snip the back of the baby(ies) neck near the spinal cord and the baby(ies) would be absorbed by Katy and the remaining baby(ies). Immediate images that we had conjured up in our heads from the multiple articles which had recently come out about Dr. Kermit Gosnell flooded both of our minds. Probably more aggressively than I should have, I explained our spiritual reasoning for not wanting "selective reduction" and that our position would not change, to which he rescinded...a bit. Dr. Shields then explained to us how all embryos are surrounded by amniotic sacs containing amniotic fluid. However, each amniotic sac is composed of two membranes. The outer membrane, or chorion, is part of the placenta and contains the inner membrane. The inner membrane, or amnion, contains the amniotic fluid and the fetus. Baby A, the single embryo, had its own chorion, amnion, amniotic fluid, and placenta. Baby B and C, the split embryo and our identicals, each had their own amnions and amniotic fluid, but were contained within the same chorion and shared a placenta. This all became important later, but for now, we knew Baby A was the biggest, Baby B second, and Baby C came in third. Heartbeats normal for all three, and we were the proud parents of triplet babies!

social media - 8 weeks - 4/24/2013

I blame social media...I realized that it has been almost four years since the last time we updated this blog and I have to admit that it was about the same time we acquired Facebook accounts. However, it is important to document this stage in our lives as we are expecting again! We have been trying to grow our family ever since Nick arrived but it was to no avail. We spent the last four years exploring other avenues such as infertility treatments, adoption, foster care/adoption, and finally settling on embryo adoption. This is a relatively new procedure where the doctor got in touch with one of his clients who did IVF and they had leftover embryos that they gave to us. So, on our first round of this embryo transfer I was implanted with 2 embryos in September of 2012.  After waiting almost two weeks the verdict was in and I was pregnant!! Three days later I went in for a blood test that said that I was no longer pregnant. Reluctantly we started the whole process over again and by March 2013 we found out that we were pregnant again. This time we made it to our 6 week ultrasound and this is what we saw:

Not 1, not 2, but 3 babies! We were happy and scared at the same time. We went in to the ultrasound thinking about the possibility of twins, because the doctor transfered 2 embryos into my uterus with the hopes that at least one might stick. Never did we think that we might have triplets and by his reaction, neither did the doctor. Once he regained his composure, he explained that one embryo had split.

Nick is so excited! He cant wait to be a big brother again. When I ask him how many babies he wants me to have he tells me, "Ten!" God blessed us with a little boy who has such a big heart full of love. I realize that some of you might not know what I meant by "big brother again," but about a year ago we had the joy of welcoming two beautiful baby boys into our home through the foster care system.

                                            Matthew was with us from birth to 8 months

and Zane who was with us from birth to 3 months.

Unfortunately, both of these little beauties could not stay in our home and I know that when they left it not only crushed Rob and I, but Nick as well. However, we serve a wonderful and powerful God who knows every hair on our head and was gracious enough to provide comfort and joy for our family in the midst of such a dark time. 

We went through a period of unexplainable spiritual turmoil, trying to figure out why we couldn't seem to keep any of the babies we loved, first Matthew, then Zane, then the first embryo transfer. We wondered if maybe we just weren't supposed to have any more kids and just be content with Nick. Little did we know that God was preparing our hearts and lives to take in three at once!