Baby A's Hand
We waited in nervous anticipation for the next few days. Obviously it was going to take a while for the two doctors to communicate as we all know how doctor's offices are with their crazy schedules. But it seemed to be taking forever. We had an appointment scheduled for the 27th which would put Katy at exactly 17 weeks, but on Tuesday morning the 25th, Katy received a phone call from Dr. Sheild's office. The receptionist was requesting us to come in that afternoon at 4:30. She explained that Dr. Shield's had been attempting to contact Dr. Chmait for us and asked us to see Dr. Shield's as soon as we could. Katy's heart stopped. I was in the middle of my crazy sleep schedule, preparing for graveyards that night and dead to the world at ten in the morning, when Katy woke me up to tell me all of this. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Immediately we both assumed the worst, that Dr. Chmait had seen something on the ultrasounds that led him to believe something was very wrong with baby C to the point where he couldn't operate on him. I asked Katy to see if they could schedule it just a bit earlier as I would have to miss work with it being that late. Katy called back and the receptionist related she would try. She called back a while later and said she rescheduled it for the next day at 2:30, which was not what we wanted at all! Obviously we wanted this appointment to come as soon as possible to either give us the bad news to begin coping with it or at the very least figure out what was going on. Now it was too late and we just accepted the appointment as is.
It seemed like every time we went to Dr. Shield's office, we were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. This time it was magnified by ten thousand. We have been in constant prayer for these boys, unceasing in our requests to our heavenly Father, but that day was different. The car ride over was eerily silent. We left Nick with some friends as we didn't want him there for any horrible news or to see his parents completely lose their minds. In the parking lot, we held each others hands, closed our eyes, and asked God to heal our son and if He chose not to, to give us the strength to make it through and the wisdom to share the news with our four year old. After feeling as at peace as we could, we made the long walk up to his office. For the first time, the nurse said that Dr. Shields wanted to do the ultrasound himself, and not let her do her regular measurements. This just made us about lose it, again assuming he wanted to be the one to tell us the horrible fate that was sure to come. Our faces easily gave away our inward emotions when Dr. Shields entered the exam room as he told us we looked like we had seen a ghost. We nervously smiled and waited for the prognosis. After what seemed like an eternity of him quietly scanning the ultrasound, I asked him exactly why we had been called in early. He asked me what I meant. I told him how we had been called in early as our scheduled appointment was not until the next day and what had transpired the day before. Dr. Shields quickly apologized and said he had merely wanted to make sure we were being seen as he did not think we had any scheduled appointments that week. He assured us that all three boys' hearts looked fine, that baby C's fluid was at this point virtually non-existent, but that they all had grown and had strong heartbeats. The relief and stress that exited from Katy and I was palpable, so much so that we both ignored the mistake and were just thankful that all the boys were okay for now.
Dr. Shields also told us about his conversation with Dr. Chmait who was not convinced that there was enough evidence to diagnose TTTS at this point. Dr. Shields explained how it now appeared baby B did not have any excess fluid or an enlarged bladder, which would suggest he was the receiver in the TTTS scenario, even though baby C's bladder was not visible and his amnio sac had shrunk significantly. At this point, the only thing we could do was wait another week and see what transpired. We asked what it would mean for the rest of the pregnancy since baby C's amniotic fluid was completely gone. He told us how it was not a guarantee that baby C would make it to full term, but that some babies can be born without any amniotic fluid. The risk for fatality obviously increases due to baby C's lack of protection for his umbilical cord, thus increasing the possibility for the cord to be pinched and the blood to his brain to cease. That slim glimmer of hope was enough for us and that concluded the visit.
We came in to the appointment expecting the worst. While it wasn't great news, in light of the situation we had envisioned it was fantastic news! Our boys did not seem to have TTTS and we did not have to make a decision at this point as to whether we should go forward with the laser therapy or septostomy as there was not enough evidence to make that decision either way.
As we drove away that afternoon, we both decided we were done referring to our boys by letters. We were going to give them names, even if one or all of them did not survive, to humanize them as we knew they were, and give them the love and respect a name can bring versus a letter. We decided we couldn't allow these three boys to not be a part of the embarrassing tradition of a consonant first initial and middle initial of "A," so here's where our family stands:
RAG - Robert Andrew Grindy
KAG - Kathryn Ann Grindy
NAG - Nicholas Andrew Grindy
DAG - David Adam Grindy - Baby Boy A
SAG - Samuel Abraham Grindy - Baby Boy B
JAG - Joshua Aaron Grindy - Baby Boy C
We're torturing our children. We know.
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